PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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