I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
