Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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