You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
