Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
