You can't special order awesome
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
