So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
