Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
