considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
