I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
