you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
