There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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