My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
