My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
