This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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