so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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