He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
