cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
