one might say we're banned from that church
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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