I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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