the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
