i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
