Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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