Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
