one might say we're banned from that church
I checked into jail on foursquare
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
