i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
