There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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