i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize