I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
