I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
