Your mouth is God's brothel.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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