She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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