Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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