I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
