We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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