I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
