R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
