At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
