why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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