someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
