If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
