I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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