And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
