I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
