I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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