this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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