If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Found the puke drawer
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
