plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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