I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
