I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
