AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
