I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
