I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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