Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
