i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
