jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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